OK - so Chris and I have been going through fertility treatments again. It is a very emotional thing for both of us. Chris handles things a bit better than I do. We were hoping for a positive pregnancy test for Christmas, but that did not happen. We have not decided how long we will try and our finances may limit us as to the length of time we can try. I ask for everyone to remember how much of an emotional roller coaster ride infertility can be. Please think before you speak to me (or anyone else trying to conceive). These are the top ten things to remember NOT to do or say:
1. If we decide to stop treatments, please do not tell me not to give up. If YOU think I need to give up treatments - please keep those comments to yourself. (It will be our decision and I don't mean to sound mean, but we really do not need any one's opinions on when to or not to give up)
2. Don't say "Maybe you weren't meant to have kids" (I can't type what I want to say to this comment)
3. Don't tell me that you know how I feel. (No - you do NOT know how I feel, you may know how you THINK you would feel in my situation, but you don't)
4. Don't tell me that we can always adopt. (you want to pay the $20,000 + it will cost to do that? and will you be there to pick up the pieces when the mother changes her mind and it does not happen)
5. Don't hide your pregnancy from me for as long as you can. (I am not going to try to kidnap you and steal your baby, I won't be mad because you are and I am not, I will genuinely be happy for you. And remember, I am happy for you - I am still sad for me, but I am happy for you)
6. Don't say "do you know what so and so did? They were having problems and they got pregnant right after (fill in the blank)
7. Don't tell me "You can have my kids for the day" (You will only make me want to smack you. And please, do not give me all the silly wives tales about standing on my head etc (trust me, I have tried all of them)
8. Don't ask me when I am due or if I am pregnant until you actually see the baby coming out! Remember, I am being pumped full of hormones - some of which cause cruel weight gain.
9. Don't EVER say, you are still not pregnant yet? How long have you been married?
10. And do not ever ever ever say stupid things like "Are you sure you really want kids" or "I will trade you my kids for your sports car". (If you do, you may not live to tell about our conversation)
As for what you can do.... if you are a praying person, keep us in your prayers. Pray that we will be fruitful and multiply. :) Remember that I am being pumped full of hormones, so excuse my behavior if I ever seem less than pleasant to you. And finally, please take the time to visit this website and add your name to a petition supporting mandated fertility insurance in the state of Alabama. There are 15 states currently mandating fertility insurance, but unfortunately, Alabama is not one of them. Here is the web address - please add your name! http://www.petitiononline.com/alif/
7 comments:
Sandy, I do feel for you (and Chris) - having been there and done that - that is why there is a 5 yr. gap between my kids! K was extremely hard fought for - fortunately we were in the military and that the medical aspect was covered well! I wish I could give you a {{{{hug}}}} I remember having many of the same feelings that it appears you are having. I WILL pray for you guys!
((((HUGS))) I added my name to the list and you will be in my prayers.
good luck Sandy, yall will be in our prayers. I have a friend here going through treatments as well. I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through. Just know that I am thinking about you and praying for you.
Just to clear my name...
I never said nor thought any of the listed dingbatted comments. And if any member of my immediate or extended family were responsible...you have my permission to take them out.
You know I love you and that we pray for all things to work for your good.
visiting your blog through scs...just wanted to tell you i am praying for you!!! i LOVE your top 10 list...wish i would have had the courage to do some of these things!!! in the years we were trying to conceive, numbers 2,3,4,7, 10 and the biggie was number 9!!! glad to hear your dr is going to do iui twice; i think that is great!
I've heard most of those nasty comments too. Almost everyone asks if we'd consider adoption -- I feel so selfish saying "I want my own"! It's a hard, sucky, emotional experience. I wish you the best in the New Year!
You know I feel for you because I am going through infertiltiy myself. I was glad to see you assert yourself here. There are a few people who I would like to knock over the head. I can not believe how totally insensitive people can be!
Shauna
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