Wednesday, February 1, 2012

My Battle to Become a Mom ~ A book.... maybe?

OK - for many many years, I have wanted to write a  book.  When we lived on a boat, I talked about writing abook about the adventures of living aboard a boat from a woman's perspective.  I never wrote it.  When I managed an apartment complex for the mentally ill, I wanted to write a book about those adventures.  I never wrote it.  When I was in Iraq, I had planned on writing a book on my adventures as soon as I returned home.  I never wrote it.  I still want to write a book.  What I am seriously considering, is writing a book on our battle with infertility.  A battle that took us to a combat zone and back.  I am honestly not sure if anyone would be interested in this story.  I am not sure I could actually write any thing that would be entertaining enough to captivate an audience.  Chris, of course, is constantly encouraging me, yet my insecurities hold me back.  Tonight, I sat down and wrote an introduction to the story/book.  If I could get you, my friends, to read the introduction and give me an HONEST opinion on if you think it would be interesting or any suggestions you may have- I would appreciate it.  Thanks, and here is the introduction:


Here I sit, a civilian, surrounded by a bunch of Marines on a C130 – packed in like sardines my body is getting so stiff from sitting in one position, unable to stretch my legs or even move my arms.   The weight of the flack jacket I am wearing makes me even more uncomfortable and the sweat is dripping off my head from underneath the Kevlar helmet on my head.  My very first time ever on a military plane and the sound is deafening and my heart is racing as I hear the crew person telling us that the lights are off due to the fact that we are flying over a combat zone –  it is safer this way because it is harder for the enemy to hit a target they cannot see.  I sit and wonder, what in the heck am I doing here?  I can’t believe I am actually flying in to a combat zone.  It feels so surreal and I think back to the reason for this adventure.  Most people assume it is for the money and in a way – it is.  For twelve years, Chris and I have been struggling with infertility.  There is nothing I want more than to be a mom.  The tests, the procedures, the medicines, the surgeries – none of them have resulted in a successful pregnancy.  Each failure, each miscarriage, each negative pregnancy test bring more heart ache.  This opportunity, this adventure – it is the answer to prayers.  This will give us the resources we need to try one last thing – In vitro Fertilization.